.. dear fancy | 03.01.10

Dear Fancy,

My girlfriend sometimes drinks too much and wets the bed. I've let it slide in the past, but it's happened twice in the last week. This has coincided with her being fired from her job. So, I want to go easy on her, she's fragile at the moment.

Sincerely,
Chick-a-pea

 Dear Chick-a-pea,

Are you sure you're not the culprit in this scenario? Riddle me this, if you wake up in a pile of wet pee, who's to say it didn't come from your own nether regions??

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and say that it really is your "girlfriend" with the problem. Whether she's lost her job or not, there's just no reason she should be peeing willy nilly, unless she's a senior citizen and has lost control of her bowel movements. If that's the case, you should just let her be!!

Drinking is probably what got her fired in the first place. I would suggest you buy her some adult pampers, or put a pillow barrier between you and her at night. And tell her to stop hitting the booze every chance she gets.

Can I share a story with you, Chick-a-pea? When I was a young'n myself, I found myself sharing a bunk with a girl at camp. She had some issues with wetting the bed, but this was through no fault of her own. She had a legitimate problem. Now, I didn't want to be cruel, but did you think I wanted to sleep in the bottom bunk? No, I did not! Sometimes, you just have to put your foot down.

You tell her, "I'm very fond of you dear, but I'm just not into golden showers." Take her hand, guide her to the bathroom, and shut the door behind you.

Good Luck!

Fancy