New Year's resolutions...why bother?
Run a marathon...Hah, I'd rather eat and not be sweaty, thank you very much. I mean, it's so exhausting.
Lose some weight, your pants don't fit anymore...Not even! I can't help it if the dryer does evil, despicable things to my clothes. Who wants to wear jeans anyway? It's so constricting. I need to be free.
Be a kinder, gentler human being...Why?? You're always trying to ruin my fun.
Okay, you're perfect...Gosh, you don't have to be snide about it.
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